A notsopervy crack fic
by A Bleach-Drinking Hetalian
Summary: Another great collaberation! An rp turned story, we hope you enjoy! Crack! one-shot! Some implications... no pairings!


Japan's mid-noon nap was providing him with a good dream. He is dreaming about RAMEN. :3

'Y-Yummmm . . it's so long . . . . . and wet. . . so delicious. . ' He starts making sounds that occur when you eat ramen, while speaking softly.

' Yummy!! It's so long . . . so warm . .' every time that Japan paused in his dream, he accidentally moaned and groaned, making the man next to him disturbed.

China gasped. 'What could he be possibly thinking about?!. . .aru... I kinda don't wanna know..'

He tried shaking Japan awake. " J-Japan . .. w-wake up aru!"

Japan is startled, and sits up. He's starting to wake up. 'W-What . . . ?'

China questioned Japan. " J-Japan . .. you were making weird noises in your sleep . . what were you dreaming about, aru?"

Japan sat up, still half asleep. "Oh, I was dreaming about-"

France pops out of the next room. "Of course, mon cheri was dreaming about moi!"

China puts his hands on his hips. "How do you know that, aru?"

France: Because shut up. **(1)**

China: ARU?? You still never told me why you are here...

France posed. "Because l'amour is in the air!! And there are flowers in my hair!" He started slouching a little, breaking the France pose. " .... and England kicked me out for the night. Could I stay with you and Japan?

China sighed. "....I don't want to.. but a friend in need is a friend indeed.."

France glomps China, with tears in his eyes "OH THANK YOU!!! Now I will no longer have to sleep on something hard!!" He smirked." Or will I?.."

Japan pulled out his katana. "Get yo' hands offa my China." he says, pointing it menacingly at France.

China sweatdrops. "You were watching mafia movies again, aru, weren't you, Japan...?"

Japan starts occ sobbing. " ....OMG I SPEND TO MUCH TIME WATCHING MOVIES WITH AMERICA!!!

China, who is still being glomped by France, tries to reassure Japan. "It's ok Japan . . . " He pats him on the back.

France: *gets off of china and whispers to Japan* You know, instead of spending time with America, you could spend time with moi, doing . . . *smirk* 'fun' activities . .  
Japan hits France with the blunt end of his katana. "DON'T SAY STIFF LIEK THAT YOU PERVERT!!!"

France laughs, stroking his pervert stubble like an evil goatee. "I am a pervert?"

China and Japan said in unison, " Yes."(Aru.)

France sighs. " It is true... " then he points to Japan. "But you too, are a pervert!!"

Japan scowls. " Not in front of China, France..."

China looks between their faces. "Aru? Aru??? What's going on?"

France held up his hand, and made useless gestures with it while speaking. " If you look in Japan's room, you will see-" But his speech is cut off, for Japan punches him in the gut.

Japan holds up his fist, looking at France on the floor, curled into a fetal position. "I said quiet..."

China runs towards Japan's room. "I'll see what you have, aru!! France, your death shan't have been in vain!!"

France is laying down, cringing. "I am still alive..." , but shuts up after ninja stars are thrown next to his head-

Japan chases after China. "I'll catch you!!" He lunges.

And misses.

China jumps up and avoids him. "I've got 4000 years on you!! The hare will never beat teh fox!" He reaches the room, to Japan's dismay.

China gasps. "GASP???!!!? ARU???"

Hungary looks up, irritated. "Yes? China, what do you want?" She has Prussia and Austria knocked out and in bondage . . . did I also mention that there naked?

China blushes furiously. "W-W-W-W-W-W-WHAT IS THIS ARU?!?!?!"

Hungary says simply: "Bondage."

Japan has finally caught up with them. "C-China! This is not what it looks like!"

" What is it, aru? China's face turns serious and scary. Devils weep in comparison to China's angry face.

Japan looked away. "I needed doujin ideas, and this seemed like fun-" China holds him up by the collar of his shirt.

China bitch-slaps Japan. Then he started yelling at him. "How would you feel if this was happening to you??? Aru??? "

Japan licks his lips. "It depends on who is making it happen, Yao."

Hungary starts panting, and pulls out her video camera. "Me likey where this is going...."

Japan gets free of China's grasp, then hugs him "I was thinking more along the lines of you... " He makes a pervy smile.

Hungary NOSEBLEEDs. "I must.. capture.. it on.. film..."

Korea pops in. "Can we take turns with the little uke, da-ze?" He prepares to grope.

Hong Kong comes from behind him. "That would be fine with me."

Taiwan drags Hong Kong away, and interrupts him. "No it wouldn't, we're going shopping."

Japan hugs China tighter. "Nii-sama..."

China's blush intensifies. " A-aru? "

"SOMEONE! HELP MEEEEEeeeeeee" Hong Kong screams as he's being dragged away*

-insert explosion here-

Russia emerges from the smoke. "NUUUUUUUUUUUUU! CHINA IS MINEEEE! AND IF I CANT HAVE HIM, I'LL, I'LL! Have a turn with the little uke please?"

*five minutes pass*

Korea screams. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

China jumps. "Why did you scream, aru?"

Korea shrugs. "I donno. But it felt appropriate to the moment." :3

Hong Kong is dragged away completely, made to do something men hate the most: Shop with a girl.

Japan looks helpless, but pretends to be clueless. "Nii-sama, Russia can't have you..."

China is actually clueless, and hugs him back "You can't have Japan!! What's an uke, aru?"

Russia creeps towards Japan, but is glomped by Korea.

Korea gropes him. "Your breasts are belong to me, Russia!!"

A fight gets taken outside between Korea and Russia, while China, Japan, Hungary, Prussia, and Austria remain inside the room.

Hungary pants even more, sweating. "G-Goldddd . . .Must capture . . . sweet, sweet yaoi bitch fight goldddd" She's filming everything.

Everyone looks at the door as Russia emerges. "Le Gasp!"

Russia is holding Korea's erogenous zone. "Muhahahahahah, Korea! What are you going to do now, da?" 

Korea looks at China.

o///////o

"AHHHHH! A-Aniki . .iii h-helppp m-mee"

-//////-

Russia pets zone repeatedly, making Korea blush and squirm. "China, do you mind if I borrow Korea?"

Korea shakes his head, worsening his blush. "Ahh.. AH.. noo.. help me... da-ZE!!"

China is clueless still.(Am I making him a bimbo..?) "What would you need him for?"

Silence.

Hungary breaks the silence. She pats China's shoulder."Well you see, China, when a man loves a man, some of the hottest sex in existence occurs. This is known as Ya0i."

Japan smirks, getting more ideas.

Russia drags Korea away. "KoLkOlKoLkOl...."

Korea tried to not be dragged away. "AH! AAAAAAAHHH! ANIKI! HELP MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!" O///////O

Hungary holds China back and puts on a serious face. "This mission is highly dangerous. Let me go." 

China doesn't get what she said in the sense that she meant it. "Ok, aru. I wish you luck."

"Thank you, China." She bravely walks away, camera in hand.

Japan is still faking his innocence. "I hope she makes it out ok." Then he says very quietly, "And with all the footage~..)

*A faint scream is heard.*

Hong Kong is in the market place. "AHHHHHHHH! SISTER! D-DONT MAKE ME WEAR THAT!!! A-AAND NOT WITH THAT! NOOO! PLEASE! NOOOOOO!"

Taiwan sighs, holding the suit and tie she tried to make Hong Kong wear. "Man, what a baby. Men can be so immature sometimes." She suddenly is pissed off.

Taiwan runs after Hong Kong's retreating figure. "I'M GONNA MAKE YOU WEAR THIS!!" She chases him all the way to Timbuktu.

Hong Kong tries to get help. "AHHHHHHH! HELP. MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

~back at wherever everyone else is~

China sweatdrops. "I feel sorry for Hong Kong, aru . ."

Japan nods his head. "I do too . ."

*then there are noises from the room where Korea, Russia and Hungary are in*

Korea: Ah! D-DONT PUT YOUR HANDS THERE YOU PERVERT!

Hungary: Yeah! A-AAHHHH! STOP TOUCHING THERE!

Korea: H-HELP I CANT MOVE!

-in that room-

Everyone is speechless who's listening in. . . . 0///0

-back with Korea, Hungary an Russia-

Hungary: O-Okayyy . . we can get out of this i-if Russia. . m-move your hand off of there and on to the other one . . .

Russia: This one, da?

Hungary: *insert moaning here* There's only two of them that u can see, right? But yeah . . . that one . . 

Korea: What about me?

Hungary: you . . . . . put your foot here . . .

Korea: Here?

Hungary: Yeah . .

Hungary: Now if I move this . . . here and Korea . . . that over... aug . . there and Russia . . t-take that away! put it there . . . NO! NOT THERE! AUH! AUGGG! 

-in the other room-

Everyone blushes. 0/////////0

China speaks up. "Whatever there doing in there . . it doesn't sound nice . ."

France speaks up too. "Even on my standards, it sounds just . . .wrong."

Japan's thinking. 'W-What is she doing in there?! But it still giving me ideas~'

Austria wakes up, and tries to sit up. "Augggg what's happen- . . . . WHY AM I NAKED A-AND WHY IS PRUSSIA HERE?!"

Prussia wakes up. "Augggg . . . what's happening? Wait . . . WHY IS THE GREAT ORE-SAMA NACKED WITH THIS NERD?!?!?!?!"

China walks in. "Uhhh sorry about that, Hungary did it and she forgot that you were still here . . ."

Austria looks offended. " What?! M-My wife wouldn't do that!" He thinks about the blasphemy he just stated. "Wait . . .on second thoughts, she would. Anyway, where is she?"

China summarizes what happened. "Well, Russia kidnapped Korea, so she went in and was trying to save him and as of late some weird noises are coming from that room. . . . we're too scared to go in."

Austria gapes. "Oh no! My poor wife! We must save her! But first . . . some clothes please?"

Prussia agrees. "Yeah, ore-sama doesn't want you lot looking at him like that."

-Some time later, they find their original clothes.-

Prussia stretches. " Ahhh, it feels better to be clothed again~ Isnt that right, Gilibird?" Frrantic looking around. ". . wait? Gilibird? OMG WHERE DID SHE GO?!

France points to the door. "I think I saw Hungary take it into there . . "

Prussia's animation suddenly gets really serious. "We MUST find her. NOW! MY PEERS, FELLO NATIONS. WE MUST GO AND SAVE THE BEUTIFUL MADEN IN THE EVIL MUDEROUS PERVERTS HANDS! NOW! "

Everyone else: YEAH!

*They charge in. And what they see astounds them*

Hungary looks up. " . . . oh hi guys, you wanna play too? "

*THEY'RE PLAYING TWISTER.*

France fake-faints . "What??? We thought something bad happened to you!"

Hungary thinks a moment, then snaps her fingers. ". . . what? OOOOOH that... heh, we were playing and we all got stuck. I cleverly got us unstuck.~"

France is still trying to make this perverted. "B-But the sounds you were making! Are you sure nothing happened?"

Korea stands up. "The position we were in was difficult. And it hurt a bit. . . . but we're ok now, da-ze!" ^^

Russia kol's, then he suggests, "Do you want to play, da?"

Everyone looked at each other, finally declaring. " . . . . OK"

:3

* * *

**(1) Yu-Gi-Oh abridged quote here. (We applaud you if you watch it!)**

**Did you like it?**

**AmberxLion26 and I rp-ed for this.**

**I actually made it kinda pervy just to show you that I could, but choose not to. **

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